Things that make me smile

thorxndor:

I was sitting on my friends bed with her when she came out as gay

and I was looking through a Chinese food pamphlet

so I put it down, looked at her and said “I was going to suggest ordering food but I see now you’d prefer to eat out”

and I don’t think she’s ever really forgave me  

2 hours ago with 36,774 notes

“Actresses get stupid questions asked of them all the time, like, ‘How do you stay sexy?’ or ‘What’s your sexiest quality?’ All these ridiculous things you would never ask a man.”

Scarlett Johansson, once again showing the amount of fucks she gives for the media (via the-fury-of-a-time-lord)

has 8,172 notes

wings-for-castiel:

totallysonic:

iranawaywiththedoctor:

Things I shout while playing any video game ever:

  • YOU FUCKING HOE
  • YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE SWALLOWED YOU
  • I FUCKING (SCREAMS)
  • FUCKING BALLS
  • OH WHAT THE ACTUAL LIVING FUCK 
  • YOU CAN SUCK MY SWEATY FUCKING BALLS
  • I HATE THIS GAME
  • FUCK
  • FUCKING 
  • FUCK ME
  • FUCK YOU
  • FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
  • WHY AM I FUCKING PLAYING THIS GAME
  • I’m so fucKING DONE 
  • WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
  • [PTERODACTYL SCREECH]

image

have you ever taken your dog to a jumping competition

3 hours ago with 362,358 notes

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

5 hours ago with 117,271 notes